Thinking

So I sit here thinking. The tears have been rolling free today. I wish they would just stop. I wish the thoughts would stop. I'm taking a break this weekend. Went to my mother's. So I'm posting from her computer.

Mom told me to think of the things that attracted me to my husband. Jeez...that's really drawing on my memory. It's been so long.

First thing that made me look at him? He looked good in his jeans and he had long hair (hey, give me a break...I was 17 when we met). When he sat down and we started talking, I was impressed with how easy it was to talk to him. It thrilled me when he walked me to my car, we exchanged numbers, he hugged me and then just kissed me on my cheek. Of course, he hadn't given me his pager number and we lost touch for those first couple of weeks, but when we met again, he was so sweet and apologetic that I instantly forgave him.

When we eventually decided to be exclusive, I was so excited. We had such a good time together, talking and laughing. We either saw each other or spoke on the phone every day. He never had much money, but he always made sure that I was taken care of.

We moved in together five months after we got together. That's when we discovered that life is not all peaches and cream - we fought constantly. That should've been the first sign.

Somehow, we weathered through the storm of getting used to living together. Either that, or we were just too damn stubborn to give up. Honestly, I think that's what has gotten us through our lives together.

I don't know when the magic went away. I don't know when the warm and fuzzy feelings stopped. I know that those feelings don't stay forever. But, shouldn't I feel something? Maybe what we had has never been "true love"...