I Don't Get It

I received more papers along the road of my divorce. They pretty much trashed me. Even pondered my being bi-polar.

Funny thing? I think Xman may be as well.

Earlier this week, he was being nice to me. We were actually talking; discussing things; joking around. I don't know what I did now, but he has done a complete 180.

Our son is sick. I text at every opportunity I can to find out how he's doing. Its like trying to pull teeth getting the information from him. And then, its a problem if I only ask once a day how he's doing. I guess that he doesn't understand that Little Man and Princess are constantly on my mind. I guess I need to text him even when I'm not able to. I guess I need to risk losing my job to constantly text every time I think of my babies.

Fine. If he wants me to text, I will. There are even times I wake in the middle of the night and think of my babies. Even when they're not ill. Guess I'll text him then as well. I hope he's ready for the influx of texts that he's about to get.

Santa Rides Again

So, we told the kids that Santa visited last night because Mommy called him to tell him they wouldn't be here till the weekend. It worked. They bought it. And they opened gifts this morning. It was great. They also opened gifts from Santa last night. For those, we told them that Santa got my message late and came anyway. They bought that too. Amazing. Little kids are so gullible!

They loved everything that Santa got them. They both loved the hat and scarf that I made for them. Right now, they are quietly coloring and watching Spongebob. This is bliss. We're all still in our P.J.'s. I'm blogging and uploading pics while drinking coffee and they're playing with their new things. This is Christmas. This is what it's about.

In a little while, we're going to make cupcakes. Its kind of rainy and crappy outside and I'm sure we're all cookied out. Cupcakes should prove to be a nice change. We'll see how it goes.....

Holiday Season

As I sit here, waiting for my car to cool down so I may change out the muffler on it (yes, I do the work on my own vehicle), I'm reflecting on the holiday season.

I stop and look around at my mother's house. Although it looks nice and homey and comfy, its too much. And I've told her this. She just has too much Christmas stuff. She insists on putting up every last little chotchke that she can find. Granted, a lot of the items have meaning (like all the snowmen), but it's still a lot of shit. I mean, it looks like Santa, Frosty and Rodolph threw up in the house. Gah! Even her musical clock has Christmas caroles playing!

And then, shopping. This is getting pathetic. I mean, Christmas in August? School hasn't even started! Someone actually got trampled on Black Friday this year. Hello? What is wrong with people? This is supposed to be a time for family and celebration - not killing someone in order to get the best price on a material item!

What happened to enjoying spending time with your family and friends? When did the holidays become all about what Santa brought you? Or who got the bigger iPod? Or your gifts are better than mine? Even my kids, who are 5 and 3, they want everything that they see on TV!

Why can't it be just simple?

I'm not asking for a lot. All I'm asking for is that we give a simple token of our love for each other. It could even be handmade. It doesn't have to cost a lot of money, just so long as it was from the heart. A simple meal with loved ones gathered around. What is wrong with that?

Believe it or not, I'm not fighting Xman for the kids for Christmas. I'm not. I'll have them for that weekend. I want to teach them that Christmas is not about the getting, it's about love and loved ones. I want to be able to teach them that being around family is better than any material gift you may receive.

Is this even possible in this day and age?

Decisions

It's so hard to make a decision that involves your children.

I am faced with the dilemma today of visiting with them tonight or letting them go home with Xman to rest. The Princess has been very sick this week. I had to take her to the doctor on Monday. Little Man was sick the week before. I am now getting whatever it is that they've had.

Question is, though, do I pick them up and take them out to McDonald's tonight? Do they really need to be running around on the playground?

I have nothing else going on. If I don't pick them up, I'm coming home from work and having a date with my book and bed. Maybe, possibly, quite later, hanging at a friend's for the final installment of Lord of the Rings. But I would do that regardless of whether I have the kids or not.

My mind says that I should just let them go to Xman's house for rest and that I'll see them next week when we're all better. My heart is telling me that I need to see them. Because I miss them horribly. But, then my mind tells my heart that I'm being selfish. That they need rest to get better.

This really sucks.