Merry Everything

That should cover it. Solstice, Christmas, Chanukah, Kwanza, etc....

So, I had a nice, quiet Christmas day with Finn. I had made dinner last night, we had leftovers this morning and then he made breakfast for dinner tonight. I then came home to see my mom and her boyfriend for the holiday and to make the kids' gifts. Now, I'm just waiting to rinse my hair (I got some highlighting dye and this is the first chance I've gotten to do it). So, I'm chowing down on cookies that were sent by a realllllly good friend. And they're absolutely yummy!

Gifts made for this year: Finn's http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3134036398/, Princess' http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3137733728/ and Little Man's http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3137734070/.

I am a bit upset at Xman this evening. What was a fine day otherwise, he had to ruin it with his snark. I had worked the overnight shift from Tuesday into Wednesday morning. Came home, got only about three hours of sleep. Needless to say, I was exhausted last night and slept all Christmas morning (which is probably some of the reason I'm awake now). I got a text saying that I must be too busy to wish the kids Merry Christmas. So, for the following hours, I tried to get a hold of him to no avail. I couldn't understand why he would give me shit and then torture me by ignoring me all day. This makes me nervous for tonight as they don't have day care today. He has yet to answer my two requests to where I am to pick them up.

Poor Finn got the pissy text from me. I was so ready to throw something or hit something. Instead, I text (I'm afraid to hit anything as I believe I fractured something in my hand last time I did just that). A few minutes after doing so, I felt bad and apologized. He told me that I can vent to him anytime. That meant so much to me.

Please tell me to stop eating cookies.

Anyway.

Time to rinse out my hair and go to bed. My brain is about mush. It's been an emotional day. This weekend should prove to lift my spirits at least.

Five Year Olds

Fighting with your five year old is so much fun. Especially when they're not feeling well.

I didn't realize it would take two hours to get ready to go to the store for milk.

I shut the TV. I made them clean up their toys (the five year old and her three year old brother). Neither did any good.

She wanted me to get her dressed. Um, what? She's been dressing herself since she was two.

Take some ibuprofen? I had to pour it down her throat. She had a little fever and needed it.

I'm not doing to hot today and this is just the icing on the cake. I'm tired beyond belief and I've had to take medicine of my own for my head spinning. They're fighting. And whining. And I hate weekends like this. I don't get a whole lot of time with them and its weekends like this that make me feel horrible.

Tired

I am so tired. Emotionally. Physically.

So much to do. And now, my mother just kicked me out. I think. Well, she told me to go home.

I can't go home. He won't let me. I have no place to live. I have no money. I've got my car! I just want my kids. But I can't even have them as I have no way to provide for them.

I realize that I have made the choices that have led me to this place. I just didn't realize I'd be so alone.