New Friends

I ended up hanging with a new friend for Thanksgiving. Well, actually, we went out the night before (got a pretty healthy buzz going), I had to work Thanksgiving morning and then he came over for turkey. He helped me fix dinner - wouldn't let me say no if I tried. In fact, I did try, but he just wouldn't sit and stay still. He even contributed a dish to the meal!

I sliced the middle finger on my left hand pretty good while cutting the yams. Finn followed me down the hall to the bathroom where I had immediately stuck my hand under cold running water. He then went back to the kitchen and promptly grabbed a paper towel. After evaluating the cut and determining that it was not quite bad enough for a trip to the ER, he had me wrap my finger with the towel and told me to put constant pressure on it and hold it above my head. He then walked with me back to the kitchen where he told me to sit for 15 minutes while he continued to prepare the yams (he had already sliced the potatoes). He would not let me move for the entire 15 minutes and kept checking my finger for blood loss.

He took care of me! :D

Oh, and the finger is sore, but fine. No stitches were needed. Just a band-aid to keep the cut closed; without the bandage, it keeps getting pulled open.

Yes, we have been spending quite a bit of time together. Hence the reason I am no longer on line much anymore. Hence the lack of posting to my diary. But, I'm happy. He makes me happy. He challenges me. And I like that.

What else do I like? The fact that when we're at work together, I will look over at him and catch him looking at me. And rather than shy away, he'll catch my gaze back and smile. If he's in a different department, he'll make a point to come where I am and say good bye when his shift is over.

We share a lot of interests, but have enough that we're different. But, he's artistic and creative and interesting. I find myself intrigued by him. He tells me a lot, but there's so many layers to him that I've only begun to scratch the surface.

He concerns himself with my needs and feelings. I'm not used to this. We go out. In public. Every week. And yet, we can have just as much fun just staying in and watching a DVD. We make each other laugh.

I didn't expect this. I didn't start my job looking to start to care about someone. I expected to meet people, maybe hang out. But finding one person in particular? And so soon? Never thought it would happen. But, I'm not questioning it. I'm taking each day as it happens.

And if each of those days can be happy, well, all the better. :P

It's Not Easy

I haven't stopped thinking about the decisions I need to make. This isn't an easy time right now. And it's made more difficult with someone who is still devoted to you.

I don't want to give off the wrong idea. I love him. I truly do. And I'm comfortable with our life. But, I don't know that I want to be just comfortable. I know, having someone who is like a favorite pair of sweat pants is great. I know he'll always be here. I know he'll always fit me.

But, doesn't a person deserve more than just comfort?

And, I'm not talking Cinderella and Prince Charming and living happily ever after. I gave up on the fairy tale years ago. I know that there's no glass slipper, no castle, no white horse. I know that the butterflies fade after time. But doesn't a person deserve someone who shares more than a few interests? Or, for that matter, someone who shares more of the interests that they do?

Medicine, A Decision and Thoughts

So, with just a little over a week left on the prednisone, the heartburn has set in to stay for the duration. Fourth day now. And it's bad. Can't lie down. Can't sit up. Maybe if I stand on my head, that'll work. Hmmm, maybe not, because then gravity would help the acid go into my esophagus. For now, I'm taking Zantac 150mg twice a day. Did my doc tell me to? No. But I need some relief and I know he'll tell me it's not the medicine. I am also looking into herbal pain relievers. Have found a few that are supposed to be as effective as prescriptions. They are white willow bark, boswellia and passionflower. Still reading up on them before I go to the store to get some. Oh, and the sleeping pills are losing effectiveness as well. Only 4 hours last night. Gonna be real interesting the next week.

My decision? I'm going to reopen my shop. Very soon. I've been posting in the forum for a few months now. I'm jealous that others are being able to share their art. I'm tired of being pushed down. I'm ready to burst and I have no where to release that. Even if I don't sell anything, I'll be happy that I'm at least sharing. I know what the economy is like right now. But, I also know that the holidays are soon arriving and if I don't get in now, I'll be in trouble. So, keep an eye out for me....

Thoughts? This one, I had some help from my mom on. She and I had a very lengthy phone call yesterday. See, I'm going through what she went through almost 20 years ago. I think I've come to a major decision about my life, and I needed to talk to someone. Someone who would know. Mom knows (don't Moms know everything?).

I told her that I've realized that I don't think Hubby will ever come and emotionally support me the way I need him to. I need someone who will encourage me, challenge me, go to the theatre with me (without complaining), listen to the symphony, not look at me with three heads when I want to purchase "The Chronicles of Narnia" (yes, this happened the other day). In other words, have more interests like mine. I have realized that a lot of the hobbies I have are because of Hubby. I like them because I want him to like me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what we do together, but I want so much more.

I deserve more. I'm sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting. Don't I deserve someone also sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting? Don't get me wrong, Hubby is all those things, but not in the way that I need. I want someone who understands my need to go to McDonald's this week and purchase Kids' Meals (uh, Star Wars toys anyone?). I need someone who understands that I need a creative outlet. Hubby will never understand that. I love Hubby desperately, but neither of us deserve this.

I'm scared of what's next. I haven't made a permanent decision yet (although, I'm well on my way). Mom suggested I make an appointment with our therapist for just me. I think that's a great idea. Funny thing is, I'm OK with what's going through my head. I feel a peace washing over me that I haven't had in years. Maybe this is my time now. Maybe I can finally do things my way. On my own (well, me and my babies anyway).

And you know what? I'm OK with this.