Hello from Beyond!

So. Hi there.

We are separating. It's over. But, I knew that. He knows more than I ever wanted him to know. At least it's all out in the open now. I don't have to hide anymore. No more lying.

Of course, now I have to find a job. Find an apartment. Worry about custody. How am I going to afford an attorney? Hopefully, they take payments. I hope this doesn't get nasty.

He's already been hurtful. Called me names. And, they weren't "sweetheart" either. But, I know he's hurting and he's just lashing out. Doesn't excuse his name calling, but it explains it. He did try to make me feel that this is all my fault.

Hey, I'm certainly not innocent in this. Not by a long shot. But neither is he. Not by a long shot. This has been a long time coming.

I'm glad the moment is finally here.

CynfullyCreative

Well, I did it. I opened my shop. He "allowed" me to open. But now, my life is an open book. Waiting for him to read it. I don't know that I like that. He doesn't trust me. At all. He says he does but he doesn't. We'll see how this goes...

http://www.etsy.com/shop.php?user_id=6223513

Medicine, A Decision and Thoughts

So, with just a little over a week left on the prednisone, the heartburn has set in to stay for the duration. Fourth day now. And it's bad. Can't lie down. Can't sit up. Maybe if I stand on my head, that'll work. Hmmm, maybe not, because then gravity would help the acid go into my esophagus. For now, I'm taking Zantac 150mg twice a day. Did my doc tell me to? No. But I need some relief and I know he'll tell me it's not the medicine. I am also looking into herbal pain relievers. Have found a few that are supposed to be as effective as prescriptions. They are white willow bark, boswellia and passionflower. Still reading up on them before I go to the store to get some. Oh, and the sleeping pills are losing effectiveness as well. Only 4 hours last night. Gonna be real interesting the next week.

My decision? I'm going to reopen my shop. Very soon. I've been posting in the forum for a few months now. I'm jealous that others are being able to share their art. I'm tired of being pushed down. I'm ready to burst and I have no where to release that. Even if I don't sell anything, I'll be happy that I'm at least sharing. I know what the economy is like right now. But, I also know that the holidays are soon arriving and if I don't get in now, I'll be in trouble. So, keep an eye out for me....

Thoughts? This one, I had some help from my mom on. She and I had a very lengthy phone call yesterday. See, I'm going through what she went through almost 20 years ago. I think I've come to a major decision about my life, and I needed to talk to someone. Someone who would know. Mom knows (don't Moms know everything?).

I told her that I've realized that I don't think Hubby will ever come and emotionally support me the way I need him to. I need someone who will encourage me, challenge me, go to the theatre with me (without complaining), listen to the symphony, not look at me with three heads when I want to purchase "The Chronicles of Narnia" (yes, this happened the other day). In other words, have more interests like mine. I have realized that a lot of the hobbies I have are because of Hubby. I like them because I want him to like me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what we do together, but I want so much more.

I deserve more. I'm sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting. Don't I deserve someone also sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting? Don't get me wrong, Hubby is all those things, but not in the way that I need. I want someone who understands my need to go to McDonald's this week and purchase Kids' Meals (uh, Star Wars toys anyone?). I need someone who understands that I need a creative outlet. Hubby will never understand that. I love Hubby desperately, but neither of us deserve this.

I'm scared of what's next. I haven't made a permanent decision yet (although, I'm well on my way). Mom suggested I make an appointment with our therapist for just me. I think that's a great idea. Funny thing is, I'm OK with what's going through my head. I feel a peace washing over me that I haven't had in years. Maybe this is my time now. Maybe I can finally do things my way. On my own (well, me and my babies anyway).

And you know what? I'm OK with this.