Tuesday, January 6, 2009


When do you start shedding the ghosts of your past?

I am so accustomed to being a certain way to make people happy that I'm afraid to be anything else. I feel I should just clasp my hands together and bow. No spoken word, just do as I'm told. As its been for many years. I don't remember what its like not to have that.

When does this stop?

I want to bad to tell someone to fuck off or shut the hell up. I'm too afraid to say this, though. Why? What's the worst that happens? Someone gets mad at me? Well, there's something new. Why am I afraid of someone being angry at me?

I've grown so much over the past year. This is the one obstacle that I can't seem to overcome. And now it threatens what makes me happy. It threatens my present and future relationships. How can one relationship make a person feel this way? I don't understand.

I need these ghosts to go away and leave me be.

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