Thursday, January 1, 2009

On Becoming a Caregiver

I've been caring for my children for five years. But that's expected of a mom. I tended to Xman for 16 years. But, I wouldn't consider that being a "caregiver". No, what I am referring to is how one person takes care of an ill person.

Usually, I am the one having to be taken care of. Now, I don't normally allow someone else to take care of me. I'm a big girl, I can handle my illness. I just need that proverbial kick in the ass to keep myself well and in remission (which, knock wood, has been for a while now). I now have someone in my life who needs that kick at times.

Finn is diabetic. He is insulin dependent. If his sugars get low, he can go into seizures. Well, he had one of those the other morning. And it scared me. It scared me that all I could do was sit there and wait it out (I have since researched stuff I can do to help). I didn't panic. I stayed calm. But I hated that helpless feeling.

But, in a way, this is a good thing. I now understand what people feel when I'm sick. When there's nothing they can do to help the pain. How they have to sit back and watch as I cry because there's nothing left to do but cry. How they wish they could fix what was wrong.

I wish I could fix Finn's illness. I wish he didn't have to stick himself everyday, check his sugars every couple of hours, give himself shots. In my world, no one would be sick. I read updates to a friend's wife's illness. I see what he goes through. We give each other insight as to what the caregiver and ill one goes through. But, it's nothing like actually going through it.

And I wish that none of us had to go through this.

No comments:

Post a Comment