We Hold On

How many times
Do we tire of all the little battles
Threaten to call it quits
Tempted to cut and run
How many times
Do we weather out the stormy evenings
Long to slam the front door
Drive away into the setting sun

Keep going on till dawn
How many times must another line be drawn
We could be down and gone
But we hold on

How many times
Do we chaff against the repetition
Straining against the faith
Measured out in coffee breaks
How many times
Do we swallow our ambition
Long to give up the same old way
Find another road to take

Keep holding on so long
Cause there's a chance that we might not be so wrong
We could be down and gone
But we hold on

How many times
Do we wonder if it's even worth it
There's got to be some other way
Way to get me through the day

Keep going on till dawn
How many times must another line be drawn
We could be down and gone
But we hold on

Rush, "We Hold On", Snakes and Arrows, 2007

Mission

Hold your fire
Keep it burning bright
Hold the flame 'til the dream ignites
A spirit with a vision is a dream
With a mission

I hear their passionate music
Read the words that touch my heart
I gaze at their feverish pictures
The secrets that set them apart

When I feel the powerful visions
Their fire has made alive
I wish I had that instinct
I wish I had that drive

Spirits fly on dangerous missions
Imaginations on fire
Focused high on soaring ambitions
Consumed in a single desire

In the grip of a nameless possession
A slave to the drive of obsession
A spirit with a vision is a dream
With a mission

I watch their images flicker
Bringing light to a lifeless screen
I walk through their beautiful buildings
And I wish I had their dreams
But dreams don't need to have motion
To keep their spark alive
Obsession has to have action
Pride turns on the drive

It's cold comfort
To the ones without it
To know how they struggled
How they suffered about it
If their lives were exotic and strange
They would likely have gladly exchanged them
For something a little more plain
Maybe something a little more sane

We each pay a fabulous price
For our visions of paradise
But a spirit with a vision is a dream
With a mission

Rush, "Mission", Hold Your Fire, 1987

Fly By Night

OK. Another perfect song. Possibly the most appropriate yet. Even better? It was released the year I was born!

Airport scurry flurry faces
Parade of passers by
People going many places
With a smile or just a sigh
Waiting waiting pass the time
Another cigarette
Get in line - gate thirty-nine
The time is not here yet (end)

Why try? I know why
The feeling inside me says its time I was gone
Clear head, new life ahead
I want to be king now not just one more pawn

Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night goodbye my dear
My ship isnt coming and I just cant pretend

Moon rise, thoughtful eyes
Staring back at me from the window beside
No fright or hindsight
Leaving behind that empty feeling inside

Start a new chapter
Find what I'm after
It's changing every day
The change of a season
Is enough of a reason
To want to get away

Quiet and pensive
My thoughts apprehensive
The hours drift away
Leaving my homeland
Playing a lone hand
My life begins today

Rush, "Fly By Night", Fly By Night, 1975

Prime Mover

A good friend told me about this song. I was talking to him about the things that I've been thinking about. He had been just listening to this song and told me about it. I immediately Googled the lyrics, found it on YouTube. After all that, I decided that I had to memorialize this song in my blog.

It scares me that Rush has so many songs that fit so perfectly with my life. It's really uncanny.

Basic elemental
Instinct to survive
Stirs the higher passions
Thrill to be alive

Alternating currents
In a tidewater surge
Rational resistance
To an unwise urge
Anything can happen

From the point of conception
To the moment of truth
At the point of surrender
To the burden of proof

From the point of ignition
To the final drive
The point of the journey
Is not to arrive
Anything can happen

Basic temperamental
Filters on our eyes
Alter our perceptions
Lenses polarize

Alternating currents
Force a show of hands
Rational responses
Force a change of plans
Anything can happen

From a point on the compass
To magnetic north
The point of the needle
Moving back and forth

From the point of entry --
Until the candle is burned
The point of departure
Is not to return
Anything can happen

I set the wheels in motion
Turn up all the machines
Activate the programs
And run behind the scene

I set the clouds in motion
Turn up light and sound
Activate the window
And watch the world go round --

Anything can happen

Rush, "Prime Mover", Hold Your Fire, 1987

Lessons

Found it! An almost perfect song for the moment!

Sweet memories flashing very quickly by
Reminding me giving me a reason why
I know that my goal is more than a thought
Ill be there when I teach what Ive been taught

You know we've told you before
But you didn't hear us then
So you still question why
You didn't listen again

Sweet memories I never thought it would be like this
Reminding me just how close I came to missing
I know that this is the way for me to go
You'll be there when you know what I know

Rush, "Lessons," 2112, 1976

So, as I reflect back on my and my mom's conversation yesterday, this song reminds me of what we talked about.

We were talking about how happy I was when I had friends that held me up, encouraged me. Loved me for all my geekness in school (yes, i was a geek). I gave all that up. I lost me! And, all these years, my mom has told me this. Time after time.

I know she has. But I didn't listen.

I don't know what has changed, but I'm listening now. I'm ready to finally hear it.

The memories of who I used to be are flooding me. The thoughts of who I can be are flooding me. If I can figure out how to combine the young with the maturing (never adult, I refuse to grow up), I'll be OK.

In fact, I know I'll be OK.

Entre Nous

Since I am now heading to the shower and probably won't be able to log back in till Monday, I leave you with the wise words of Rush to ponder for the weekend.

We are secrets to each other
Each one's life a novel
No one else has read
Even joined in bonds of love
We're linked to one another
By such slender threads

We are planets to each other
Drifting in our orbits
To a brief eclipse
Each of us a world apart
Alone and yet together
Like two passing ships

[Chorus:]
Just between us
I think it's time for us to recognize
The differences we sometimes fear to show
Just between us
I think it's time for us to realize
The spaces in between
Leave room for you and I to grow

We are strangers to each other
Full of sliding panels
An illusion show
Acting well rehearsed routines
Or playing from the heart?
It's hard for one to know

[Chorus]

We are islands to each other
Building hopeful bridges
On a troubled sea
Some are burned or swept away
Some we would not choose
But we're not always free

[Chorus]

Rush, "Permanent Waves", 1980, "Entre Nous"

Scars

While doing my daily look at lyrics, I found something perfect for what I'm feeling right now.

Had a big talk with my husband this morning. I feel as though I just jumped into a pool of bleach and am burned raw. Plus, with what I'm dealing with internally, it feels like I then poured salt on those burns. But, this song makes me think of everything in my life, past and present.

ARGH!

I've stood upon my mountaintop

And shouted at the sky

Walked above the pavement

With my sense amplified

I get this feeling...

All my nerves are naked wires

Tender to the touch

Sometimes super sensitive

But who can care too much?

I get this feeling...

Scars of pleasure

Scars of pain

Atmospheric changes

Make them sensitive again

Each emotional injury

Leaves behind its mark

Sometimes they come tumbling out

Like shadows in the dark

I get this feeling...

When I think about all I have seen

And all I'll never see

When I think about the people

Who have opened up to me

I get this feeling...

Snow falls deep around my house

And holds the winter light

I've heard the lions hunting

In the Serengeti night

I get this feeling...

Forests turned to factories

And river, sea, and sky

Hungry child in the desert

And the flies that cloud her eyes

I get this feeling...

Pleasure leaves a fingerprint

As surely as mortal pain

In memories they resonate

And echo back again...

Scars of pleasure

Scars of pain

Atmospheric changes

Make them sensitive again

Rush, "Presto", 1987, "Scars"

Favorite Songs

Although I like Rush before, a good friend turned me on to more of their songs. I'm really beginning to think of them as a new fave band. A lot of their lyrics really speak to me ~ like I was the one sitting down to write them.

Thank you, my friend. :P

The first song, "Time Stand Still" (from the album "Hold Your Fire" in 1987), has to be my number one song right now. There's so many aspects of my life where I wish time would just stop so I can savor the moment. So I can mentally take a picture and remember the moment for a lifetime.

I turn my back to the wind

To catch my breath

Before I start off again.

Driven on without a moment to spend

To pass an evening with a drink and a friend

I let my skin get too thin

I'd like to pause
No matter what I pretend

Like some pilgrim

Who learns to transcend

Learns to live as if each step was the end

(Time stand still)

I'm not looking back

But I want to look around me now

(Time stand still)

See more of the people and the places that surround me now

Freeze this moment a little bit longer

Make each sensation a little bit stronger

Experience slips away

Experience slips away

I turn my face to the sun

Close my eyes

Let my defences down

All those wounds that I can't get unwound

I let my past go too fast

No time to pause

If I could slow it all down

Like some captain, whose ship runs aground

I can wait until the tide comes around

(Time stand still)

I'm not looking back

But I want to look around me now

(Time stand still)

See more of the people and the places that surround me now

Freeze this moment a little bit longer

Make each impression a little bit stronger

Freeze this motion a little bit longer

The innocence slips away

The innocence slips away...

Summer's going fast, nights growing colder

Children growing up, old friends growing older

Freeze this moment a little bit longer

Make each impression a little bit stronger

Experience slips away

Experience slips away...

The innocence slips away

The second song, "Losing It" (from the album "Signals" in 1982), perfectly describes how I felt after the last dance class I was able to attend. I remember hearing the applause. I remember limping across the classroom floor. Even reading these lyrics today, the tears spring to my eyes remembering that last day 19 years ago...

The dancer slows her frantic pace

In pain and desperation

Her aching limbs and downcast face

Aglow with perspiration

Stiff as wire, her lungs on fire

With just the briefest pause

The flooding through her memory

The echoes of old applause

She limps across the floor

And closes her bedroom door...

The writer stare with glassy eyes

Defies the empty page

His beard is white, his face is lined

And streaked with tears of rage

Thirty years ago, how the words would flow

With passion and precision

But now his mind is dark and dulled

By sickness and indecision

And he stares out the kitchen door

Where the sun will rise no more...

Some are born to move the world

To live their fantasies

But most of us just dream about

The things we'd like to be

Sadder still to watch it die

Than never to have known it

For you, the blind who once could see

The bell tolls for thee...