On Being an Ass

Finn apologized. Twice. Actually used the word sorry in one apology. I felt like an ass for thinking him a jerk. He's really not.

And then, at 12:30 am, I yelled at the Princess for not being asleep yet. She bawled her eyes out for that. So I sat at the kitchen table and bawled mine out.

Chalk the night up to being an ass. Biggest one possible. Seriously.

For some reason, I got a creative streak through all of this. This is what happened:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3143660906/, http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3143660904/, and http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/3143660900/. I have no idea where that came from!

So, I should really try and sleep. Although I don't feel like it. I sleep like crap when not at Finn's.

*sigh*

Sorry

I have been so busy with opening shop. I have neglected my brain dump! Oh the humanity!

Anyway.

So far, no sales. But, it's only been two days. However, I have gotten a request for a custom sized halter (which will be worked up today) and I got a phone call for a big alteration job locally. I guess when it rains, it pours. The alterations would need to be completed by next Wednesday. It's a formal gown, flower girl dress and two pants hems. By next Wednesday.

And, how has the husband been with the shop? Heh. Well, let's just say he's not happy. He's afraid that I'll forget everything else and just focus on my business. Funny, dinner is made, house is straightened up, laundry is getting done, kids are fed, Princess is off to school on time. Yeah, seems as though I'm going to forget all about real life. As a matter of fact, right now (well, after blogging), I'm going to do the grocery shopping and make up next week's dinner menu.

I think life will continue without a hitch.

What I need him to do though, is stop checking up on me. Last night, he went through my favorites and hearts and asked me who the people were any why I had them on the list. I feel as though I need to wear diapers. I am a grown woman. I've made mistakes in the past, yes, but this is a new me. Besides, I know how to hide things better now (um, just kidding). But, I need him to trust me. He has admitted to not trusting me even though he says he loves me. I just don't understand how you can love someone you can't trust. When I point that out, he gets flustered and makes up some lame excuse saying that he does trust me.

I'm still not feeling very warm and fuzzy about us. And opening this shop has made the feeling almost cold and harsh. Maybe it'll change. Maybe it won't. I don't know that I'm waiting around to find out...

A Butterfly

I was described as a butterfly today. A butterfly that had been losing her color by being held tight in a cocoon not of my own making. And that I could never be trapped like that and be happy. That I needed someone to open the cocoon and allow the light to hit my wings and bring the colors forth.

And you know what? It's happening.

I have a very dear friend who has opened that cocoon and made me realize that I am still beautiful and smart and creative. I had forgotten that over the years. I had lost myself. Now that the light is starting to shine again, I can't help but shed the metaphorical cocoon. I can't help be giddy as I flit from flower to flower, tasting their sweet nectar.

I don't know where the wind will carry me, but I'm looking forward to the ride.