Therapist

Made the appointments.

Mine is next Friday at 1.

Ours is the week after that at 7.

Bear with me.

Flat

That's how I feel right now.

I'm very angry at myself for not being stronger last night. I allowed him to manipulate me once again. I allowed him to move the fault around and place it entirely on me. So now, I'm sitting here, beating myself up over it.

I left a message for the therapist telling her I wanted to make an appointment for myself and for us both.

I can't live like this. I don't think it's the medicine. Because I keep coming around to this: that I'm not truly happy.

As I raise a glass to my new life (and wherever the winds may take me), please help me gain the strength to do this. I know I've got it, just have to find it.

Slow Day

Well, I just finished my grocery shopping online. Yippee! Pick that up around 2 pm. How I love someone else doing my grocery shopping. I hate trying to organize shopping with two little ones in tow. There's always something that they absolutely need (which they don't, but they think they do). And when I tell them "no", they will proceed to act as though they are being murdered. I don't give in and if they keep it up, I leave the store. That's right. I will leave a cart full of groceries in the middle of the aisle and leave. My kids don't scare me. I scare them.

Next thing to do is laundry. Well, that's ongoing throughout the day. I hate that worse than shopping. At least groceries are only once a week. Laundry is everyday for a family of four. Ugh.

Next is to call our therapist. I'm going to make an appointment for me, alone, and one for the both of us. I think I've made my decision. He said some things last night and this morning that told me nothing will ever change. Ever. I will never be the person I deserve to be hanging around here.

So, for now, I will keep up this double life that I feel forced to lead until I figure out the details of how to proceed from here.