Just as an FYI:
fever + period + morphine + illness = heightened neurosis
These things do not mix well. Disregard half the last post. That was my crazy ramblings. Yeah, I said it. I was crazy rambling. OCD sucks.
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Raw
Made it through the night. I took a couple sleeping pills so I was able to get a really good night sleep (note to self: get more sleeping pills).
I have so many issues to work through. The biggest one being that I need to let go of a relationship in order to keep it. I tend to cling very tightly to someone. Of course, I chalk this up to the fact that Xman had a way of making me feel as though I couldn't do anything without him. Now I'm seeing this wonderful man who makes me do things for myself. I never thought I'd have a hard time with this. I guess its because I actually have to think for myself.
For so long, I did whatever he wanted. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't all the time. There were occasions where we did what I wanted. But mostly, it was his ideas because he didn't think he enjoyed the things I did.
But now, with Finn, he's not really that into what I like, but he's willing to join me. He asks what I want to do. He makes me think. We have conversations. About everything. Movies, books, life. It's amazing. I didn't realize that I could have this with a partner. It happens with friends, but I don't think that I've ever had this with a partner.
Even though I have no idea where my relationship with Finn is going, I am enjoying what we have right now. I just hope that my craziness won't push him away.
I have so many issues to work through. The biggest one being that I need to let go of a relationship in order to keep it. I tend to cling very tightly to someone. Of course, I chalk this up to the fact that Xman had a way of making me feel as though I couldn't do anything without him. Now I'm seeing this wonderful man who makes me do things for myself. I never thought I'd have a hard time with this. I guess its because I actually have to think for myself.
For so long, I did whatever he wanted. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't all the time. There were occasions where we did what I wanted. But mostly, it was his ideas because he didn't think he enjoyed the things I did.
But now, with Finn, he's not really that into what I like, but he's willing to join me. He asks what I want to do. He makes me think. We have conversations. About everything. Movies, books, life. It's amazing. I didn't realize that I could have this with a partner. It happens with friends, but I don't think that I've ever had this with a partner.
Even though I have no idea where my relationship with Finn is going, I am enjoying what we have right now. I just hope that my craziness won't push him away.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Freaking Out
I willingly volunteered my time at work tomorrow to receive two extra hours. I then accepted an invitation to finish watching a movie after I drop the kids off tomorrow night.
What was I thinking?
I have a cape to finish and a hoodie to finish. I'm hoping that this weekend will yield finished results so the hoodie will be mailed next Monday.
I also have two holiday gifts to make. One for Finn and one for the Elf. I need to order gifts for the kids. Wait, who am I kidding, I need to shop for them first! At least Mom is taken care of thanks to a trade with the Elf.
Why do I do this to myself? Every year, I go through the same thing. I mean, due to personal and financial circumstances, I had to put off the cape and hoodie until the last minute. But the gifts? I could've started those earlier. Oh, wait, who am I kidding? I just got the supplies for one a week ago and I just figured out today for the other.
Right now, I'm waiting for sleep to overtake my body. I'm tired, but I'm just not tired. Although, if I gave my brain a chance, I could probably sleep. I need to sleep. It's one o'clock in the morning. I need to get up in five hours for work. At least I was smart and packed a change of clothes already and laid out my uniform for work. So even if I get up at seven, I won't be too late!
*bangs head against the wall*
What was I thinking?
I have a cape to finish and a hoodie to finish. I'm hoping that this weekend will yield finished results so the hoodie will be mailed next Monday.
I also have two holiday gifts to make. One for Finn and one for the Elf. I need to order gifts for the kids. Wait, who am I kidding, I need to shop for them first! At least Mom is taken care of thanks to a trade with the Elf.
Why do I do this to myself? Every year, I go through the same thing. I mean, due to personal and financial circumstances, I had to put off the cape and hoodie until the last minute. But the gifts? I could've started those earlier. Oh, wait, who am I kidding? I just got the supplies for one a week ago and I just figured out today for the other.
Right now, I'm waiting for sleep to overtake my body. I'm tired, but I'm just not tired. Although, if I gave my brain a chance, I could probably sleep. I need to sleep. It's one o'clock in the morning. I need to get up in five hours for work. At least I was smart and packed a change of clothes already and laid out my uniform for work. So even if I get up at seven, I won't be too late!
*bangs head against the wall*
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