Raw

Made it through the night. I took a couple sleeping pills so I was able to get a really good night sleep (note to self: get more sleeping pills).

I have so many issues to work through. The biggest one being that I need to let go of a relationship in order to keep it. I tend to cling very tightly to someone. Of course, I chalk this up to the fact that Xman had a way of making me feel as though I couldn't do anything without him. Now I'm seeing this wonderful man who makes me do things for myself. I never thought I'd have a hard time with this. I guess its because I actually have to think for myself.

For so long, I did whatever he wanted. Don't get me wrong...it wasn't all the time. There were occasions where we did what I wanted. But mostly, it was his ideas because he didn't think he enjoyed the things I did.

But now, with Finn, he's not really that into what I like, but he's willing to join me. He asks what I want to do. He makes me think. We have conversations. About everything. Movies, books, life. It's amazing. I didn't realize that I could have this with a partner. It happens with friends, but I don't think that I've ever had this with a partner.

Even though I have no idea where my relationship with Finn is going, I am enjoying what we have right now. I just hope that my craziness won't push him away.