Friday, October 11, 2013
Things that changed my life: My children have been taken away from me, Ex bf/roommate moved out, I'm diagnosed bipolar, still dealing with Crohn's from time to time. I've been broken. I've been fixed. Several times over. And, yet, I still meander along this thing called life. It has brought me down to depths so low I never knew existed. It has also brought me so high I swear I could touch the stars. And then comes love.
To love another is to see the face of God, they say. Can't say that I believe in God, but I've seen something. This love scares me. I've built such a wall over the last few years that I'm having a hard time allowing it to fall. Each day I love, a chip of it falls away. I love him as I've loved no other, as if I've loved him all my life and had to wait for the right time to be with him. Now is that time. We waited a long time for this.
I traveled several miles and left my life behind. I left with no regrets. As I traveled I knew each mile was bringing me closer to him. I could start to feel him again, although, I don't think I ever stopped feeling him. I would check his Facebook from time to time to make sure he was OK. I still worried about him and thought about him and dreamed about him even though I was with another.
I've been having issues with the bipolar lately. We've been arguing because I'm rapid cycling and even the littlest things set me off. You know what he said? He said it's OK. Those two words mean the world to me. It's OK. I told him he didn't sign up for this and he replied that he thought he had. A love so pure, so real, so deep. And it's OK that I'm sick. There are only two other people that have said it's OK and that's my best friend and my mom. To be so broken and still loved, there's nothing like it. It's comforting, a little overwhelming and a whole lot of wonderful.
That first date almost four years ago now. Couple of beers at the bar. Then back to his place where he made breakfast at 2 in the morning and we talked till dawn. We talked about everything and nothing and it was all so wonderfully magic. I craved seeing him again. Love at first sight? Maybe. But something began that night. Something that grew deeper and deeper.
He has always held my heart. He has always been on my mind. I thanked him for letting me back into his life and he told me that I never left. And I don't think I did. I never stopped thinking about him. I never stopped wondering about him.
I never stopped loving him.
The Only Thing ~ Stabbing Westward