Sunday, December 27, 2009


I think about relationships past. How I seem to need someone in my life. Why can't I just be by myself?

Has he done this to me? Left me alone for so long that I can't be alone any more? I'm told that I'm stronger than that. That I should be able to just be by myself. I don't like being alone though. I enjoy closeness and companionship. I didn't have it for so long that I crave it now.

Is there something wrong with that?

Yes, Finn has been gone for just a couple of months now. And, yes, I still miss him everyday. But don't I deserve someone to be happy with? The person I've been seeing has been making me happy. Perhaps he's filling a void, but I think that without having someone to share things with, there's always a void to be filled. Wouldn't friends be considered filling a void, or hobbies?

Perhaps this is just a rebound. Who knows? But if that's the case, my whole life has been full of rebounds. The ex, Finn, the guys I've dated in high school....

I just wish there could be a happy medium somewhere.

1 comment:

  1. we both made mistakes. and we have both tried to repair them. to heal the rift that seems to widen with every passing week. there is nothing wrong in wanting companionship. nothing wrong with hating to be alone.and yes, friends can fill the void. as can hobbies. but its not always healthy to sleep with the friends you turn to when you need that companion.

    i know that i was never a rebound. you were well over and past your ex husband, long before you met me. but i also know that your new companion may be. and i fear for you. i am afraid of what you tell me, in the hopes that we can still be together. afraid of how my comming back to you will hurt you even more. and will hurt him and your friends as well. im not sure i can live with that. but for you, i am willing to do my best. if it kills me, at least i will die knowing i tried, and that you at least knew how much i loved you.

    but you need to make a decision for yourself. what you want. what is best for you. if its him, then i can leave in peace. if its me, then we both still have work to do. i will always love you, no matter how far you seem to be....
    be carful my love. i dont think ill ever be able to replace what we have had. and im certain i will never truely want to.