And A Final Wednesday Thought.....

I'm still not smoking.

This, That and Everything Else

I feel like I've neglected my poor blog. I nurtured this diary everyday, several times a day for so long. Then, my life fell apart, and now I have neglected my brain's dumping ground.

Poor brain.

Poor blog.

Things are picking up in my neck of the woods. I've got a job. Which, let me tell you, is frelling great for my ego. I'm working with people who think I'm 9 to 10 years younger than I really am. I want to hug them all. And, it's not because I feel old or even am all that old (almost 34), it's just that it feels good to have people think you're younger.

I haven't been running in a few days. I've been walking, though. I think I have shin splints. The muscles on the front of my calves have been very sore. So, I've been taking it easy and just power walking. My shins seem to think that doable. So, I'm up to walking eight miles a day when I can get out. It's difficult when I'm working during the day and get out at 4. When that happens, I'm usually leaving work to go get the kids. So, on those days, I'm not able to get out and walk. Yesterday, I was witness to some really beautiful fog over the river since the air temp was only about 25 degrees F. http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/sets/72157608337574515/. I even set the one of the bridge as the desktop on my laptop.

I miss my babies more than ever. The weekends I don't have them are really difficult. I don't see them between Thursday and Tuesday. That's a long time. It's not easy going from being with them 24/7 to barely being with them at all. I'm working toward having my own place soon enough so that I hope I can have them with me more often. Princess doesn't say anything, but I know Little Man doesn't like when I drop him off. He wants me to stay at the house. Says its my house and I should be there. Last Sunday, when I was getting them ready to go back to the house, Little Man started crying and didn't want to go. It just about ripped my heart out.

But, other than that, things are good. I'm still not smoking. In fact, I saw one of my friends the other night. She had two cigarettes while standing in front of me. Didn't even have the slightest bit of craving for one. OK. That's a lie. I did have a fleeting thought of stealing one from her. But, I swear it was only for a second. And then it was gone. I suppose that will always happen. I've been told that the craving never fully goes away. But, I can live with that kind of craving where it only happens for a fleeting moment.

So, I see that the hour grows late. I've been up for a while, just messing around on the computer. Which seems to be my every day. And I wonder why I don't accomplish anything. Today, I'm headed to Goodwill and the beer store. Tomorrow will be shopping for supplies and sewing. I have to finish Princess' costume and hoodies.

Busy. Busy. Busy.

I Can't Believe It...

On Tuesday, October 14, I will be celebrating 90 days of being smoke free.

90 days.

I never thought that back in July, I'd be where I am now. I haven't had a smoke since the night of July 13. I'm running and walking. I'm doing tummy crunches. I'm going through a divorce. I have my shop again. And, yet, through it all, I haven't had a cigarette.

Honestly, I am amazed at myself.

And now people are calling me an inspiration.

I'm not an inspiration. I'm just doing what I have to do to make my short time on this planet a little longer and more enjoyable. It's scary enough to realize that your life may be cut short due to an illness (and the medication used to treat it), but then to realize that you can't even simply run around the yard and play with your own children is devastating.

I mean, three-quarters of the time, I'm so tired that it's a large effort to play with the kids. How fair is it to them that the 25% of the time that I feel good, I got out of breath so quickly that it wasn't worth it to play? What kind of mom was I?

Now that I'm feeling better, I take my kids to the park often. They find little friends to play with and I end up running around with a bunch of kids while the parents look on, sitting on the bench. It feels good to be the mom who gets muddy and dirty with the kids.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/2905263716/in/set-72157607358438933/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/2912485453/in/set-72157607358438933/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/2912483217/in/set-72157607358438933/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/2917948279/in/set-72157607358438933/

Oh, and as far as running? If I hadn't quit smoking, I would never see scenery like this:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/cynfulfishy/sets/72157607884420009/

Day 45!

I'm sorry. I'm very happy at the moment. I just realized something:

It's been 45 days since my last cigarette.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2809188602/

I am so proud of myself for this. Seriously. There's only two other things I've been prouder of and that's my kids.

Tonight, I celebrate!

Happy Post

Through all this, I'm still not smoking! Can you believe it?

All this shit and I don't even want a cigarette.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2801118642/

It's been 42 days!

I think I am officially a non-smoker!

Woo Hoo!!!!!

Two Weeks Left

So, I have two weeks of the patch left. I just put on the lowest dose of 3 mg. I'm kind of nervous about not having them. Funny thing is, though, I'll take the patch off to shower (the sticky stuff doesn't come off unless you scrub) and I'll forget to put a new one on when I get out. Sometimes, it's two hours later. I don't even think about it. The only reason I put one on is...well, I honestly don't know. I don't think I need it anymore, maybe for the security?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2795658017/

All I can say is, I'm very proud of me!

Checking In!

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Day 24!

I think I may as well admit it: I'm a former smoker. I'm done. Seriously. If I've made it this long, then I must be done. I will still post pics and updates from time to time. I will also finish out the patches (still have four weeks to go). But, unless the cravings get bad, I don't know that I'll blog about it anymore.

But, taking the pics sure is fun! http://flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2738903182/

Still Quit

So, I'm still going strong at quitting smoking. And, I've decided that if I can make it through a flare, Hubby hurting his back, the crap with the hospital (which I left a message with the woman I was to contact and am still waiting word back), and STILL not smoke, I'm going to be OK!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2736054382/

So, please celebrate with me as I pat myself on the back!

15 Days

Yup! 15 days since I've had a cigarette!

I'm extremely proud of myself!

I was even around a smoker Friday night. A friend of ours stopped by and was hanging out. He lit up and then realized that neither Hubby nor I lit one. When he looked for an ash tray, he finally noticed that there wasn't one. He felt so bad. We didn't.

Want to know the amazing thing?

The stench from the cigarette made my stomach churn.

I think I'm gonna make it! :)

http://flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/2710880126/

Quitting Smoking

I decided to quit smoking. After 21 years. Yes, I started when I was 12. Yes, I used to steal my dad's smokes. Yes, I used to be able to go to the corner store prior to turning 18 and buy them (we used to get away with saying the smokes were for our parents).

But, after all this time, I figured it was time to quit.

On Monday, July 14, 2008, I began my journey.

It hasn't been easy. The cravings sometimes get really bad. But, I breath, talk a walk, do something else and they go away.

I have also begun exercising.

We had gotten a Wii a couple of weeks ago. Yes, I'm addicted to Rock Band now (I even have a set of drumsticks aquired from Neil Peart that I use for the drums. My kids use the sticks that came with it to beat each other with.). A week ago, we aquired Wii Fit.

I have one word for Wii Fit: awesome.

It has yoga, aerobics, strength exercises and balancing exercises. It weighs you, checks your BMI. I can feel and see my progress after even just one week (although I haven't been able to exercise due to my previous post ~ it hurts too much). Already, though, I can jog in place for 4 minutes and not even feel winded! I've already pushed myself up to 20 jacknifes! I'm so proud! And my tummy is even flatter!

So, I'm getting through this not smoking. I feel powerful over the cravings. I feel powerful that I haven't had a smoke since 11:23 pm on Sunday, July 13, 2008.

See the chronicled pics here: http://flickr.com/photos/28592236@N04/sets/72157606216938970/