I'm online for about 10 more minutes and then I'm showering and driving home. I miss my babies terribly.
So, we talked on the phone yesterday. He wanted me to come home last night. My mom wasn't home, though, and I didn't want to just leave. So, I stood my ground and stayed here one more night. He wasn't happy. I just don't know which he didn't like more - that I wasn't home or that he couldn't get me to roll over and go home.
I don't know what I'm going to say to him. I know what I'd like to say, but I would never say that (at least in a calm discussion). I just need to be able to stay strong. I've got people supporting me in whatever decision I make. I've even got offers of places to stay if I need to.
I just need to put my big-girl undies on. It's time to grow up. It's time to see what I've got.
*crosses arms over chest*
*stomps foot*
Showing posts with label talk. Show all posts
Showing posts with label talk. Show all posts
Monday, September 1, 2008
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Talk
He wants me to come home so we can talk. He's even going to talk his father into taking the kids.
But, I know his idea of talking. He's going to cry the crocodile tears and beg me to stay. OK, maybe not that forward, but that's what it will boil down to. He's already begging me to come home. Guilting me into coming home. Telling me he's having nightmares, Princess is wetting the bed, he misses me.
He says he's here for me to talk and open up. Dude, where have you been for 15 years? Why are you here all of a sudden? And why are you here when it benefits you?
I think he knows what I'm going to say. I think he realizes that I'm done. For some reason, I'm afraid to say it and I know he's afraid to hear it.
This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I don't really want to be a single parent, but what's the alternative? I don't deserve to be mediocre for the rest of my life. I'm almost 34 years old. I have done nothing with my life (well, I do have two beautiful children). Am I saying that I have to make a million dollars and a name for myself? No, but I want to try. I deserve that chance.
Unfortunately, I think he's afraid that I will succeed him and that's why he holds me back. He's always been a little, um, "the man brings home the bacon." Which, hey, whatever. Give a girl a chance, though. I don't want to be hemming pants for the rest of my life. I deserve to be draping fabric on Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie.
Hey, one can dream, can't they?
But, I know his idea of talking. He's going to cry the crocodile tears and beg me to stay. OK, maybe not that forward, but that's what it will boil down to. He's already begging me to come home. Guilting me into coming home. Telling me he's having nightmares, Princess is wetting the bed, he misses me.
He says he's here for me to talk and open up. Dude, where have you been for 15 years? Why are you here all of a sudden? And why are you here when it benefits you?
I think he knows what I'm going to say. I think he realizes that I'm done. For some reason, I'm afraid to say it and I know he's afraid to hear it.
This is one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. I don't really want to be a single parent, but what's the alternative? I don't deserve to be mediocre for the rest of my life. I'm almost 34 years old. I have done nothing with my life (well, I do have two beautiful children). Am I saying that I have to make a million dollars and a name for myself? No, but I want to try. I deserve that chance.
Unfortunately, I think he's afraid that I will succeed him and that's why he holds me back. He's always been a little, um, "the man brings home the bacon." Which, hey, whatever. Give a girl a chance, though. I don't want to be hemming pants for the rest of my life. I deserve to be draping fabric on Julia Roberts, Angelina Jolie.
Hey, one can dream, can't they?
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