When It Rains...

So, I was out of work for a week. This means I don't get paid for a whole week. Ouch.

Today, I have to see a lung specialist for my check up of my pneumonia. That's $50 that I don't have as I have to stretch last week's paycheck through till next Friday.

The other day, I realized that the tire I have a hole in isn't holding air the way it needs to. In other words, I'm stopping at the gas station every couple of days to put air in it. Well, because I have four-wheel-drive, I can't just replace one tire - I have to replace two in order to save my transfer case from blowing up.

I already owe my mother for my meds from last week that cost $150 WITH insurance. Now, she said that she would loan me the money to fix my tires. I'm going to owe this woman for the rest of my life!

Haven't gotten the quote for replacing the tires yet. And, of course, I can't have cheap tires on the car, I have to have a name brand. And, unfortunately, I really like this brand because they hold up well. Well, except to things poking them and gouging them. But, I would like to go home to New Hampshire sometime soon and I was told that my car stays home unless I get the tires fixed. So, I guess I have no choice.

I really need a full time job.

Sad News

My sister-in-law passed yesterday morning. My brother called Mom last evening. She then called me.

So, we don't know what's going on. He mentioned having some kind of memorial service in a few weeks. Didn't make it sound like we needed to make the trip. But Mom made it sound like we would anyway. Who knows.

Then, we've got the baby coming soon. My great-nephew. I'd like to be out there to meet him as well.

Right now, I'm keeping my thoughts with my brother, nephew and niece. They need it. Especially my niece. Being 18 and pregnant and just losing your mom? I could never imagine...

Rest in peace, Robin...

Medicine, A Decision and Thoughts

So, with just a little over a week left on the prednisone, the heartburn has set in to stay for the duration. Fourth day now. And it's bad. Can't lie down. Can't sit up. Maybe if I stand on my head, that'll work. Hmmm, maybe not, because then gravity would help the acid go into my esophagus. For now, I'm taking Zantac 150mg twice a day. Did my doc tell me to? No. But I need some relief and I know he'll tell me it's not the medicine. I am also looking into herbal pain relievers. Have found a few that are supposed to be as effective as prescriptions. They are white willow bark, boswellia and passionflower. Still reading up on them before I go to the store to get some. Oh, and the sleeping pills are losing effectiveness as well. Only 4 hours last night. Gonna be real interesting the next week.

My decision? I'm going to reopen my shop. Very soon. I've been posting in the forum for a few months now. I'm jealous that others are being able to share their art. I'm tired of being pushed down. I'm ready to burst and I have no where to release that. Even if I don't sell anything, I'll be happy that I'm at least sharing. I know what the economy is like right now. But, I also know that the holidays are soon arriving and if I don't get in now, I'll be in trouble. So, keep an eye out for me....

Thoughts? This one, I had some help from my mom on. She and I had a very lengthy phone call yesterday. See, I'm going through what she went through almost 20 years ago. I think I've come to a major decision about my life, and I needed to talk to someone. Someone who would know. Mom knows (don't Moms know everything?).

I told her that I've realized that I don't think Hubby will ever come and emotionally support me the way I need him to. I need someone who will encourage me, challenge me, go to the theatre with me (without complaining), listen to the symphony, not look at me with three heads when I want to purchase "The Chronicles of Narnia" (yes, this happened the other day). In other words, have more interests like mine. I have realized that a lot of the hobbies I have are because of Hubby. I like them because I want him to like me. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy what we do together, but I want so much more.

I deserve more. I'm sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting. Don't I deserve someone also sexy, smart, creative, funny, interesting? Don't get me wrong, Hubby is all those things, but not in the way that I need. I want someone who understands my need to go to McDonald's this week and purchase Kids' Meals (uh, Star Wars toys anyone?). I need someone who understands that I need a creative outlet. Hubby will never understand that. I love Hubby desperately, but neither of us deserve this.

I'm scared of what's next. I haven't made a permanent decision yet (although, I'm well on my way). Mom suggested I make an appointment with our therapist for just me. I think that's a great idea. Funny thing is, I'm OK with what's going through my head. I feel a peace washing over me that I haven't had in years. Maybe this is my time now. Maybe I can finally do things my way. On my own (well, me and my babies anyway).

And you know what? I'm OK with this.